How to start a tough conversation with your teacher

Pitching yourselfComfort under stressBuilding relationships

Teachers are bogged down by restrictions, regulations, and a huge amount of pointless busy work:

If you want a teacher to give you an extension on an assignment, they’ll be fine with that. It gives them more time to grade and it doesn’t cause any trouble.

If you ask a teacher for something that will take up their time/energy, you need to pitch yourself and your idea. Usually all you have to bring to the table is proof you care, but sometimes you'll have to do something small in exchange—not, like, buying them an expensive watch. Don’t bribe your teacher.

Here are some good (and bad) options.

Challenging your teacher to an arm wrestling match, winner gets extra credit

Challenging your history teacher to a map drawing contest from memory, winner gets to choose what you cover next class.

[in the subject line of an email] change the way u grade plz! so unfair, so ez 4 the other class way ez-er

Are you free to talk about ways to reduce student anxiety around grading? I had a few ideas in mind but I don't know half of the challenges you're facing as a teacher - I want to hear your side of the story.

Loudly groaning

"I have feedback on ways the class could be a better learning environment, but I’m afraid to come off as rude or judgey.

Is there a way I could earn your trust first so both of us are more comfortable with suggestions? Maybe you have some feedback for me I could try to use first, or anything I could read or watch to understand the obstacles you face as a teacher?"

Get the idea? Awesome, choose a real scenario and get a play-by-play strategy:

class is a waste of time

The dream class has a *little* work and a *really cool* content. We kinda forget this is possible because most classes feel like you're not learning anything.

Let's make the dream happen.

1. go to incredible lesson plans. Find a few you really like.

2. send one of them to your teacher - ask, "Can we do this?"

3. IF students and the teacher genuinely enjoy running the class, here's the next assignment: every student finds a cool, generally subject-related lesson plan to do on their assigned day. They message the teacher with it in advance.

You can find lesson plans like this online or by emailing cool, interesting people in the subject field, who you can also find the in the incredible lesson plans page. If you get stuck, you can always reach out to us for help.

the teacher (accidentally) talks down to students

This *usually* happens when the teacher currently has a baby that she talks to like, well, a baby. Or they're really not self-aware.

Are you free to talk about ways to reduce student powerlessness? This is really a big thing, studies show around 50% of US students describe high school as "powerless and anonymous," and that type of disillusionment is tied to all kinds of negative life outcomes.

I don't think that's because of any one factor, and I've been trying to change the way I interact with other students to decrease powerlessness.

In your conversation, bring up the constructively:

This is really hard for me to bring up because I'm worried about coming off as rude or judgy, so thank you in advance for listening.

When you respond to questions in class, you sometimes sound condescending or like students are slightly less than equal.

I know it's not at all your intention, and it would be really easy to change - it might just be [your voice changing to a higher pitch, a change in your posture, frowning at the question - think of a specific example].

Would you be open to changing that?

The key is to drill down on specifics. Don't tell them everything they do about everything is wrong, even if you think so. Be emotionally available and say the conversation is hard for you: your teacher will respect you for it and will feel less attacked.

Send this type of message anonymously here! We send your message from our email account and never see or store your name or any identifying info.

some students are really loud and distracting

The teacher *can* stop something like this, but it usually takes a lot of energy and the whole thing hurts the teacher's feelings.

The only lever a teacher can pull is becoming super strict, but as a student there's more you can do.

And it's really not hard, you just need your teacher's permission (and support). Ask the teacher:

The rowdy people in this class can be really, really, annoying.

Would it be okay if tomorrow morning I put up a poll on the whiteboard at the beginning of class today for all students to come up and write if they think it's annoying?

I think it would help people chill out a bit.

Annoying Chill
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Plus, if this simple thing genuinely works, now you've built trust with the teacher, and that's invaluable.

the teacher is really old and has a strict way of teaching

LISTENING is better than claiming a to have better solution. Lead with:

Are you free to talk about your goals for the class and where we might be falling short? As a student, it would be really valuable to learn where you're coming from and maybe help you be more successful!

While you're talking, notice differences between the teacher's goals and the reality. Point it out, but indirectly: ask questions, don't make claims. Example:

Scenario: nobody has any idea what's going on in chemistry class but the teacher won't explain the content, answering with sarcasm when students ask specific questions: "Figure it out ya'self!"

...

You: So what I'm hearing is usually students do better in your class when they get more independent work time, but this year it hasn't been working, even when students use independent time productively?

Teacher: Yes, but it's not just that students are being productive, it's that they're asking really basic questions they should've learned about last year.

You: That's frustrating, yeah. The chem teacher last year was on maternitiy leave a good chunk of last year so we had a sub. Can you say more about the basic questions?

Teacher: It's so simple that students should be able to figure it out themselves, I'm kind of shocked they're even asking. The answers are usually on the first page of the textbook chapter.

You: So students have been asking these simple questions, and this has been going on for a month now without improvement, which must be aggravating because you said independent learning ability is one of your goals for the class, right?

Teacher: Yes, maybe my approach isn't working, but it's worked so well in past years... [teacher continues, speculating about differences between these students and past students].

You: In the past, when students have responded differently to your material, have you tried making small changes to your approach?

Teacher: With some hit-or-miss success, but yes, it might be worth trying something different.

Finally! After some probing, the teacher might be open to a suggestion:

  • Have you considered coming back to group discussion when a lot of students seem confused?

  • Have you considered creating worksheets that structure our work time so students can ease into reaching your goal of improving independent workiing ability?

  • What about rewarding students more for the things they're doing well already, like working productively and asking for help when they get stuck? Maybe you could encourage their questions more - they are the same as past students, they might just need a little support.

Remember to frame your suggestions as questions and lining them up with your teacher's stated goals. The point of having the listening-centered conversation is to understand and adapt to your teacher's point of view!

grading is harder than in the same class with a different teacher

We're frustrated. We're angry. When we talk to our friends after class, we vent about the worst parts. This is how we heal.

To get from venting about problems to solving them takes clear asks.

We can't go in without any suggestions, otherwise we'll be treated like five year olds. We need listen and be respectful, but we really need to be firm. Start with:

Are you free to talk about ways to reduce student anxiety around grading? I had a few ideas in mind but I don't know half of the challenges you're facing as a teacher - I want to hear your side of the story.

Finish with:

I want you to try something to improve this experience for students.

  • Would you be open to grading together with the other teacher, or establishing a rubric together, at least for big tests and assignments?

  • Could you maybe encourage the department head to acknowledge the difference in grading, and recognize it when students are evaluated for honors/AP course placements next year?

  • If students embraced feedback better [implemented notes on essays for the next essay, learned from mistakes on math tests], or in other words if students committed to really learning, would you be open to lightening grading?

  • Would you consider a grading system where grading was just as harsh, but students could redo big tests/assignments for up to a [B/B+/A-]? That way, students would be able to learn even more with less stress about grading.

Choose the best option based on your conversation with your teacher: what will be easy for them to implement?

A lot of these scenarios force you to balance listening patiently and firmly asserting yourself. That can feel... hard. But we promise it's like riding a bike: once you practice a couple times (maybe play a few of these scenarios out with friends, or try the waffle game!) it'll be so, so natural :)

Have feedback on this page? Reach out! We love educator and student input.